Moving On After A Break Up

All right. So, someone reached out to me. They're 23 years old. They want to get over their ex. They've been struggling with it for seven months. I've went through divorce recently. I've had a lot of relationships. I've been heartbroken slash just hurting a lot with relationships. So, I know a lot about this. Don't listen to someone who's had perfect relationships because they will not be able to relate to your pain and suffering and struggles. The the wounded healer is what I am.

Um, okay. In all seriousness, this guy reached out to me. He's 23 years old. He's a social media influencer. He, um, has something like 100,000 followers. He was messaging up to 100 girls a day. And we're not going to say his name, but I can tell you all about him because you're not going to know his name. So, obviously, I wouldn't disclose information about a client if their name was involved. So, his goal in life was to get girls. He's 23. So, he built up his social media following and then he

got the girl finally. Well, guess what? He couldn't manage it, broke up with her. He reached out to me because he saw a video on TikTok and he's freaking out. So, what do we do? This is going to be a lot of things I'm going to cover and I'm going to miss a whole lot of it because I don't script this because I don't want to. But, I've been through this a lot. I'm helping this kid on the phone and he's almost he's just having such a hard time. He's really really really having

the almost the bipolar swings where he's like I feel um dissociated. You know that feeling when you're so numbed out that you've kind of lost yourself completely because you've devalued yourself. This is what happens when you go through a bad breakup. Sometimes in the beginning the girl will pursue you or you will pursue the girl and one person is looking up and the other person is looking down. And I just got out of a relationship where I was letting them pursue me, sitting back and

then something happened that triggered all my stuff and then I went forward and tried to secure the bag. you know, you lean into the person to try to you feel like they're slipping away. It's really just you are freaking out because sometimes what'll happen is life circumstances will hit you all at once. It'll trigger um midbrain amydala to and and all of a sudden you're in that fight or flight. And when you're in that fight or flight, you can't make rational decisions. You'll make fear-based

decisions. And if you're in a relationship with a girl and you're in that fight or flight, it's really hard to keep your crap together. You won't be able to handle your ship. And if she pulls, if she makes a she'll look at you wrong if you're in your fight or flight and you'll you'll panic and you'll freak out, right? So, I'm trying to help this kid and first thing he he's living with his parents. His parents are toxic, he told me. and they're fighting a lot. And he broke up

with this girl because he felt like he couldn't bring her around the house because his parents were going to all of a sudden try to be nice to him in front of the girl. And that really upset him that his parents would be like abusive when there's nobody around and then when he brings someone over then they're going to flip and be really nice to him and change character. And he felt very hurt by that. And I can understand why. He's basically realizing that like, oh, it's it's magnifying the

fact that his parents don't love him and they do love him, but people don't love you in their cap the people love you in their capacity. They don't love you the way that they actually, how can I put this? People just are doing the best that they can. And someone can love you but not treat you with love because that's all they know how to do inside of a in a dynamic of intimate relationship or father son or mother daughter. They do love you but they don't have the skill set or the nervous

system or the tools to actually show empathy, love, caring and all this stuff. So other stuff is heavy. This isn't like red pill dating advice. This is more like spiritual psychological stuff. But we're going to get to the point where he needs to do action steps in his life. So, he's completely devalued himself. He lost his girl. He's realizing his family's all messed up. And now he feels all messed up. He's so confused. He thought he was going to be a social media influencer. And comes to find out

he can't even have a relationship because he's a mess. And it it got even worse after getting into this relation. He just it all fell apart. So, what is it? What should this kid do? What should this kid do? So, he needs to understand what his what his because he's listened to his parents. He needs to understand what his values are, his core values. How do you figure those out? I can help you. If you message me, I will send you a um a a program that you take and that helps you understand

yourself better, helps you understand what your actual values are because you think that you understand your values, but you really don't understand your values. Most people don't understand the values. Most people's values are put onto them by their family, by their culture, society, all this stuff. And if you're living off of that, you're being controlled by the religion and by your mom, and by you're doing all the shoulds, what you should do. Society told him he should become an influencer

and he should message a 100 girls a day and he should have a rotation and he should do all this and then where's he at right now? He's basically so psychotic he needs meds, right? So, what do you do? You go back to your core values. You're trying to get out of your midbrain. You're trying to get into that relaxed fighter uh into the uh relaxed state, rest and digest state. Do the core values worksheet. From there, you need to figure out from your values, you build your life because he's

23 and now he's working a $23 an hour job. You have to build your value system up. And then from your value system, then that's going to direct your life. And then from there, you can have a new purpose. But you don't just pick a purpose. If you just go pick a random purpose, like, oh, I want to become a a social media influencer. That's exactly what he did. That's why his life sucks because I had him do this worksheet and it looks like his highest value is like um family. What does social media and

family have to do? They're the exact opposite. Social media is just all about running through people and using everybody monetarily and just using abusing everybody, right? Buying and selling and materialistic stuff. So if his highest value actually is family, social media is the last thing he should be doing, right? The opposite. That's why he's freaking out. So build your purpose based on your value system and your structure. Don't just do what everybody else is doing. You need

there's a specific nature of you that you need to honor because you'll be fighting it your whole life if you don't. I like cars. I like lifting and I like talking to people and helping them because I've been through a lot. I moved out to LA and I went through my whole journey living in my car, no money, and then became financially independent and then now and then I was a trainer for 10 years to people like Andre 3000. And then I moved back home after I kind of hit my I started a YouTube automotive YouTube

channel. And then now I'm realizing more like I need to include my automotive YouTube channel into my hobbies and my Instagram for my Land Cruiser stuff and and all this and then also coach people. So but more spiritual coaching versus just personal training. Nobody wants I don't want to do that. Um I still do it and I honor people who want to do that but I'm not going to spend my life doing that anymore. So you have to honor some of your like know thyself, honor that. build your purpose around knowing

yourself. And if you don't do the exercises, you won't know yourself. Uh if you need one-on-one coaching, there's a link to click and you can fill out the form. Let me know who you are and what's going on and we'll see if we can get you some coaching, get you some help, get you oriented properly. Link is in the description. And then from there, you know, he's still living at home with his parents. I I didn't we just found out today he's living at home. I'm like,

"Dude, if your family is toxic, he's got $50,000 saved up." I was like, "Get the hell out of there, bro." He literally is just dying with his family. They're toxic. They're abusive. They're fighting. They're bickering. He feels crazy, right? So, to say all that, he he's not going to be able to just fix his life all in one thing, but he needs some guidance. He doesn't even know how to go from, you know, he somehow managed $50,000, but he doesn't know how to get

a place and then from there start guiding and directing his life. It's very simple once you because if he's got $50,000, he's got the tools to save up even more and be financially independent by the time he's 30, probably at least at least 30, definitely 35. I became financially independent, you know, at around 40 and I didn't start until I was 31 or so. It took me nine years. And if you start at 21 or 18 investing and putting away with a strategy that I can teach you, you will get there in 10

years. You can get there in five to 10 years. Um, depending on how aggressively you do it, right? Long story short, you have to also, this is a big thing that I didn't realize he hadn't done. He hadn't forgiven his parents. He hadn't forgiven his mom. His mom's controlling controlling the father. The father's weak. The mom runs all over him, of course, because she likes power and control. Runs over the father. Makes the father feel like he's the bad guy. Then the father's weak and defeated. Now the

kid doesn't have a good father anymore. She runs the house. And then now she's trying to control him. Get the out of there, bro. get out of the house. You go up to your mom, apologize. Um um tell her that you forgive her for being unable to mother you properly. And then so that you're not carrying that resentment cuz he's so mad that he couldn't manage that relationship. He blamed it on her, which it probably is her fault because they didn't teach him how to have a relationship. But now he

But you have to forgive her so you're not full of that resentment. And then you come back to yourself and understand that it was you that have to fix it. Now you have to fix yourself. And it's always was you really honestly it's never anybody else. It's always comes back to you. So that's a lot. That's a mouthful. It's hard to do it in this video and portray the scenario to third person through me again after it's the coaching session's already done. But those are some big

things. If you need help, hit the link in the description. I'd love to help you out. I enjoy this a lot. helping young men get on the path, get financially independent, get their business in order, get the relationships right, get in shape, all those things. Let me know if that was helpful. I'm 42. I didn't start investing and coaching until I was 31. Yeah, 30, 31. So, you can do it. You're going to be okay. I promise you're going to be okay. If you do have suicidal thoughts or

anything like that, call the suicide hotline. This is obviously not medical advice. I'm just trying to help and coach the best that I can from my experience of going growing up in a small town, then moving into the city and then just experiencing everything and just having a really hard time with it and coming out the other side and being okay and being, you know, being good. So hopefully that helps you. I will catch you in the next